To my intense sadness and frustration, there has been almost no sex for the last 25 years of my long marriage. I have always found my husband stunningly attractive. When I told him I would love more sex, he would say he was too busy. I stopped asking because I couldn't handle the rejection. Now, to my relief, I realise I have finally fallen out of love with him. As I approach 60, my sex drive has gone, but I often weep as I mourn my sexual self.

I am sorry you have not managed to get your needs met during your marriage. However, I am wondering why you have accepted such a painful situation. I suspect that something or someone in your early life may have led you to believe that your needs are less important than your partner's, and I am concerned about your sense of self-worth.

How on earth can "being busy" be an excuse for never responding to your advances? There are many possible reasons for his sexual avoidance - he may have a sexual problem with desire or performance that he has tried to mask with indifference. You deserve to know the truth. You are not only mourning the sex life you never had; you are also in danger of losing the opportunity to finally claim the relationship you deserve. It's not too late.

Sexual desire and activity can continue for the rest of your life; your age will not necessarily mean a cessation of love-making. Be assertive. Address the lack of sex in your lives and let your partner know how it has made you feel. State what you need from him now and insist on counselling.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.