As party season approaches, so does the likelihood of waking up with a hangover – unless you don’t drink, or you are one of those elegant types who can decline an offer of more wine without yelping: “Oh, go on then!” a millisecond later.

Obviously, we’re still waiting for science to come up with a cure. Some swear by food or drink to sort themselves out. But which is best? We asked people who work with booze, from pub landlords to sommeliers.

Crumpets

Yes, really. “There’s nothing better than a crumpet with butter on, if you’re feeling a bit rough,” says Hannah Thurman, manager of the Fox and Goose Inn in Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire. Why? “I just think because they’re nice and warm and sort of fluffy.” They’re also gratifyingly unchallenging, she says. “They’re not really complex … they’re just really easy to eat.”

Haggis

By contrast, Andrew Pern, the chef-owner of the Star Inn at Harome, North Yorkshire, opts for “extreme things” that “test the body”. One favourite is haggis with eggs. “You can buy haggis slices now, or mini haggis. Fry it off, fry the eggs, and that’s it. You don’t need any bread because it’s fairly stodgy. Maybe a dash of HP sauce.” So the logic is that if you can stomach haggis – offal and oats, traditionally encased in an animal’s stomach – you’re probably fine? “Yeah. Breakfast of kings.”

Marmite

Luca Dusi of the east London wine bar Passione Vino takes a similarly masochistic approach. “When I have a hangover, what I’m looking for is a kind of a punishment rather than something that makes me feel better straight away.” Marmite fits the bill. “I’m not saying a gentle spread of 1.5g of Marmite on very buttery toast. No, no, no. A full teaspoon of it, straight into your mouth.” You follow up with a couple of glasses of water and then – a tip Dusi picked up while working in Poland – the juice of pickled gherkins. Thanks to the large volume of liquid, Dusi says, “it’s either going to stay in or it’s going to come up very quickly”. Enjoy.

French toast

Maria Tamander, the landlady of the Cleveland Arms in Paddington, London, opts for “soothing, filling” French toast on days when leaving the house to shop for ingredients seems impossible. “If you’ve got a bit of stale bread, you don’t even need to go out and buy fresh bread,” she says. Hopefully, your cupboards will also be harbouring eggs, milk, salt and pepper. She combines them, soaks the bread in the mixture for a couple of minutes, and then fries it in salted butter.

Bubbly

The remedy for too much wine is more wine for Amy and Duncan Findlater, the owners of Smith & Gertrude wine bar in Edinburgh. They go for a sparkling shiraz from Australia’s Barossa valley. The bubbles aren’t of the “aggressive, in-your-face variety”, but rather, Amy says, ones that will “lighten the pounding in your head”. It’s especially restorative when it is served chilled, she says, so you may need to plan ahead.

Micheladas

“I’m Mexican, and there’s something really common that we do over there,” says Erik Wick, bar manager at the Zetter Townhouse Clerkenwell, in central London. “A michelada is effectively a beer bloody mary – most of the ingredients that you would have for a bloody mary, but less of them, topped with a beer.” He mixes together celery salt, lime juice, Tabasco, Worcestershire sauce and tomato juice, pours it into a glass until the glass is about half full, then tops it up with lager. “It just makes you feel great, to be honest.”

Smoothies

If he can’t face eating, James Billington, bar manager at the Talbot in Malton, North Yorkshire, goes for a smoothie. “Even though it may take a huge amount of willpower, it only takes moments.” He combines one teaspoon of honey, one banana, 10 leaves of spinach, 125ml of orange juice, a scoop of ice, a couple of tablespoons of yoghurt and then a dash of passion fruit juice. However, if you’re confident in your ability to hold down solids, it’s “scotch pancakes and banana all the way”.

Ramen

Japanese noodles do the trick for Oli Husemeyer, co-director of the Lord Nelson at Winthorpe, Nottinghamshire. The ingredients list is lengthy – homemade chicken stock, miso paste, shitake mushrooms, crispy seaweed, kombu kelp, spring onions, shredded rotisserie chicken, egg noodles and a soft boiled egg – but she insists it isn’t taxing if you do a bit of pre-party prep. “You can throw everything on the stove and it’s ready in about 10 minutes.”

Campari and espresso

According to Josh Castle, sommelier at Noble Rot wine bar in Bloomsbury, London, equal parts Campari and espresso coffee is a good remedy “once you’ve realised that your vows to quit alcohol for ever were somewhat unrealistic”. He also takes the admirably proactive step of trying to avert a hangover while still drinking. “I have no desire for three-day long hangovers, so big boozy reds and weighty whites are completely off the cards. The Loire valley is a great source of complex wines that are lower in alcohol.”

Horchata

Marica Tonucci, group bar manager of the Palomar restaurants in London, whips up the Spanish and Mexican milk drink horchata. She says it tastes “super-sweet and spiced, with a creamy milky texture and thick consistency”. She makes it by boiling water with ginger, turmeric and fennel seeds, adding rice, leaving it to soak for an hour or two, and then blitzing the mixture with a food processor and straining it through a muslin cloth. After this, she adds evaporated milk and a dash of condensed milk. “The sugar from the condensed milk also is great as a pick-me-up to give you some energy to make it through the day.”

Bloody marys

The famed bloody marys at the Bull and Last gastropub in north London contain – deep breath, now – Worcestershire sauce, lemon, garlic, coriander, chilli, ginger, lemongrass, celery salt, pepper, tomato juice and vodka. They are co-owner Joe Swiers’ go-to since taking over the pub. Too finicky? He has another recommendation: “Always drink the last drink you had the night before, if you can remember. That usually helps me.”

This article was amended on 14 November to correct an editing error regarding the origins of the drink horchata