One of my favourite things to do in my middle age is lie on the sofa eating crisps while Googling low-effort ways to optimise my life.
Thanks to data-driven obsessives online, I have discovered that there is an optimal time at which to do everything. Exercising in the afternoon, for example, may reduce the risks of early death more than a morning or evening workout. Delaying your morning coffee until two hours after waking improves cognition and energy, according to Andrew Huberman, a controversial neurobiologist and podcaster who has developed a cult following for his health and fitness “protocols”. As for the best time to have a shower? I’m glad you asked. I have done extensive research on the matter – and it’s complicated.
Like the orientation of toilet paper, shower times are surprisingly divisive. One group swears you need a morning shower to make the most of your day. The evening team, on the other hand, holds that anyone who doesn’t wash before bed is a grimy heathen whose sheets are besmirched by filth. Some people – compromisers – suggest you can get the best of both worlds by abluting twice a day. An equally passionate camp warns that this will dry out your skin and hike up your water bill. According to one poll, there is a gendered aspect to this divide: men are more likely to wash in the morning than women.
Do scientists have a definitive answer to this question? I’m afraid not. The consensus seems to be: do whatever suits you best. That said, there are some no-nos. One “health and wellness” expert said on the website Bustle: “There are few benefits to showering in the middle of the day … in terms of hygiene, it’s practically irrelevant.”
As a freelancer who works at home and frequently showers in the middle of the day, I take serious offence at this. The midday shower is criminally underrated. It relaxes you after a morning of work and gives you a little energy boost just as the afternoon lull is about to set in. And it’s an excellent way to procrastinate.
• Arwa Mahdawi is a Guardian columnist
