My boss is incredibly moody. I’m never sure which boss I’ll find each day – a kind, fun, upbeat one or a sour, grumpy, rude one. I hate that my working day is tied to her ups and downs. Other than that I like my job. Help!

When I was managing WAH Nails, I had no idea that my mood could put everyone on edge or, conversely, galvanise a fun, energetic vibe. In a public salon, this became critical to the culture of the business – I didn’t want a customer walking in and feeling negative energy. I felt a lot of pressure always to be happy.

Stoicism has really helped me. First, I accepted that, as a boss, it’s my responsibility to maintain stability in the organisation. But also for my own wellbeing, a steady day with regular emotional range made me happier, as well as having a ripple effect on the team. I no longer shout at the computer screen to an annoying email, or swear crazily in the office, because it puts everyone on edge, even when it’s nothing to do with them. But I needed feedback to get to this point; I needed my employees to make it clear how they felt.

Have you ever approached your boss and told her how her actions impact on your performance? It might be worth giving her the opportunity to shed light on the reason for the mood swings.

She can’t make a change if she doesn’t have the right information. You also need to take a philosophical view that, unless you’re directly the cause of the bad mood (which I doubt), this is nothing to do with you. I take that attitude in daily life when it comes to road rage, rude cashiers and general aggression in public: whatever the reason for the behaviour, when someone is off with me, it has absolutely nothing to do with me.

And then, just like that, it doesn’t matter. I don’t respond and I don’t let it affect me.

• Send your questions for Sharmadean to bossing.it@theguardian.com

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