Name: Making the bed.

Age: I’m a teenager. Go away, leave me alone, I’m in bed, obviously.

When you do eventually get up, at least make the bed, will you? I will not.

Then we’re going to have to take your phone away again … It’s for my health.

Not making your bed for health reasons? Good one, where did you get that from? Instagram.

Might have guessed. And TikTok.

Ditto. Come on, hand it over. Look, Dr Myro says so.

Who’s that? Myro Figura, a doctor in Los Angeles with 880,000 Instagram followers. He said that because we’re not sleeping alone …

Hey, we said we’d talk about this before you did anything. … but sharing the bed with about 10m …

Have some standards! … dust mites.

Phew! [Looks up dust mites, clicks on images.] I mean, eeew! You’re sleeping with a load of martian-spider-lobsters! So are you. They are only 0.25mm across, but they feast on dead skin. And maybe don’t dwell on the fact that, according to Figura, “if you have a two-year-old pillow, 10% of its weight is dust mites and their poop”.

They look vicious. Do they bite? No, nor do they carry diseases. But they do produce allergens that can trigger asthma, nasal congestion and rashes. It’s not just Figura saying this on social media.

Who else? Sermed Mezher.

Another doc? A London-based GP and social media personality. A TikTok video he posted last year, viewed by millions, also prescribes non bed-making.

So what is it about not making the bed? Dust mites thrive on moisture. If you make the bed, it keeps the moisture in, which “helps them survive and reproduce”, says Dr Mezher.

And leaving the covers pulled back? Figura says it “allows that moisture to dry up and drastically reduces the number of dust mites that can survive”. He recommends delaying bed-making for an hour or two.

Ah, so you should do it eventually? Well, why bother? May as well leave it unmade the whole day, really dry that bed out …

Anything else we can do to reduce dust mites? Take Henry to bed.

Who’s Henry? A vacuum cleaner. Dyson would also work.

You mean vacuum the bed? Exactly. Also, wash bed linen frequently, preferably at 60C or above (although your environmental conscience, not to mention your pocket, may be less keen).

Do say: “I honestly would love to, Mum, but, you know, doctor’s orders …”

Don’t say: “On the plus side, a living creature is prepared to go to bed with me.”