Name: Running.

Age: People have been doing it since there were beasts to run after and beasts to run away from.

Less about beasts now, though, isn’t it? I dunno, you should see some of the dogs in my park. But yeah, people tend to run for different reasons nowadays.

It’s good for you, I’ve heard. Yes. The health benefits are well documented – it can improve your cardiovascular fitness, lower your blood pressure, improve cholesterol levels, bone and muscle strength and help with weight management.

And my mental health, too, right? Right. Running can be good for your mood, reduce stress and anxiety and help with depression. Perhaps it’s no surprise that the workout-tracking app Strava, favoured by many runners, has increased its user base by 80 million in five years.

I know, but I just find it so hard to get off the couch and get going. What if I told you that running is a good way of hooking up?

What, as in finding love? There are apps for that. What do you think I’m doing on the couch, apart from swiping left? Then get out, join a club, meet a community of like-minded real people, maybe find someone special.

Couch to … er, bed? Well, maybe! But with at least 5K in between. Running is the new Hinge, Tinder, Grindr, whatever it is you’re scrolling through.

Says who? Says Tim Navin-Jones, the founder of the London City Runners club. He told CNN there had been at least 20 marriages between couples who met at the club. The CNN journalist at one of the club’s meets reported that, at the end of the run, “a sea of phones emerged to exchange numbers”.

Maybe they just want to be friends? Also fine. It’s about community and running with other people.

The not-so-loneliness of the whatever-distance runner? That. Although it’s also about safety, I’m afraid. A survey by the University of Manchester this year found that 68% of the 498 women who participated had experienced abusive behaviour while running.

OK, so I’m going to run with other people for camaraderie, for safety – and possibly more. I don’t think I’m very clubby, though. No problem. What about parkrun – a brilliant way of staying fit and meeting people in your area. Loads of people have met their partners there. Such as Kelly and Mike and A75452 and A480909 …

Interesting names. Barcodes; it’s a parkrun thing.

You can scan my barcode any time you like. Calm down. Here’s another: Minreet, looking for a husband … oh, according to her article, she didn’t find him, but she did find another kind of love. Maybe a better kind.

What kind of love is that? A love of … running!

Do say: “Let’s start with a 10K, shall we? And then maybe go on … for ever?”

Don’t say: “Jog on.”