My house needs a rejig – and so does my brain
It's easy to get addicted to self-pity but making a list of my five best and worst moments each day helps
Our marriage may be over, but we’ll always have Paris
I have good memories of the past, including a romantic weekend abroad 10 years ago, when we looked after each other
On my own I have time to think
On holiday, away from my husband, my enthusiasm for life is returning – I feel content
A glass of wine a day may be good for mental health, Spanish study finds
Researchers find people who drink two to seven glasses of wine a week are less prone to depression
Newly single, I suddenly feel happy again
At my parents', with the children, I feel protected by the familiarity of the house and my family
Telling the children about our separation
It's finally time to speak to the children about R moving out, and it's a million times worse than I imagined. I don't know why I pictured a calmer, less emotionally charged scene
I’ve had the abortion. Now it’s time to move on
At my support group, I finally realise how my life has to change
My sister lives across the ocean but she’s always there for me
With only a couple of days to go until the abortion, I feel lost. But after talking to my sister, who lives in the United States, things start to look better
R is now using the pregnancy as an excuse to drink
I am angry that even R's addiction has not drowned my love for him, and the possible love for a future child together
‘Out of all my pregnancies, this is the biggest surprise’
I'm certain I don't want another baby, but I can't help thinking that if we were in a more stable relationship being pregnant would be something to celebrate
I give R an ultimatum: ‘It’s the drink or me’
There. It's been said. But within seconds, this certainty is replaced with a queasy sensation: I'll have to stick to my guns
R’s confessions are a blessing and a curse
In a sense, when R relapsed recently, so did I. I started to forget myself and the family – now I am becoming increasingly distant
Will R and I ever enjoy a party again?
As we chat, I realise how enjoyable the beer is. With each sip, I feel better, looser, less self-conscious. I am very much aware right now of how hard it must be for R
Can we trust R after so many years of drink-fuelled lies?
Can we trust R after so many years of drink-fuelled lies?